I wake up every morning while it is still night. I get to work 15 minutes early to sit in the parking lot to watch the first part of the sunrise.
Something's happening inside when I see the siluhettes of the trees wave at me from the other side of the vast concrete blanket.
I hear this poet's voice now and I recognize it, but not as my own. This little voice wondering whether the birds that live in the island bus stop (Metro Transit Centers, they're called) are migratory or if they rough it through the mild winters with only about a dozen or so freezes. Do they survive off of the kindness of patio dinners who share french fries from the ten burger joints in a mile radius?
But more importantly, who is asking these questions? My multiple personality orders are not a disorder. This change is a study of my psychological well-being.
The other day over brunch a friend asked me when I write and why I write. I said when I have to and because I have to. I couldn't tell you whether this need was developed or inborn. I just know that it is there.
The voice is unrelenting. It makes me write down words like malfeasance in church. Makes me read every day. Forces meditations. Becomes obesesed with phrases, and then forgets them before they can be written down.
Still, I am glad to have it back.
4.12.07
20.2.07
Quantifiable Chocolate
Milk chocolate sentiments are scaring me
into myself to see the chords which hold
onto memories of worn-out insults.
Newly repeating old conversations,
and wondering how two roads converege
in the wood's opening.
Like railroad tracks, dry trails appear
to run parallel and meet in the middle
somewhere near the end of sight.
But we both know this story isn't like that.
The urban moutain man and the coastal plain flower child
sit in seperate cages, only caressing through the glass.
You say my hair has gotten better,
my stomach firmer; but your way of seeing has just aged
a decade or so of neglect can do that.
I'm am resisting temptation to count the notes;
to slide them on the machine and have it quantify
how much this intoxication is providing.
into myself to see the chords which hold
onto memories of worn-out insults.
Newly repeating old conversations,
and wondering how two roads converege
in the wood's opening.
Like railroad tracks, dry trails appear
to run parallel and meet in the middle
somewhere near the end of sight.
But we both know this story isn't like that.
The urban moutain man and the coastal plain flower child
sit in seperate cages, only caressing through the glass.
You say my hair has gotten better,
my stomach firmer; but your way of seeing has just aged
a decade or so of neglect can do that.
I'm am resisting temptation to count the notes;
to slide them on the machine and have it quantify
how much this intoxication is providing.
19.2.07
They've Done it. It's here... And I'm in product love!
I love Method Home products. I've been a method fanatic ever since I first stumbled across it in Ralph's... Their products smell great, work fabulously and look cool enough to leave laying around...
And now they've made my dreams come true with the omop. It's basically a swiffer... But it's got an ergonomic design and the sweeping pads are made of 100% corn fiber and are fully compostable, and the mop pads can be washed and re-used up to fifty times.
I love these guys. I'd want one- if i didn't live in a fully carpeted home... I think I might buy one as a gift for my friend who's hardwood floors scare my bare feet!
Bless you, Method!
And now they've made my dreams come true with the omop. It's basically a swiffer... But it's got an ergonomic design and the sweeping pads are made of 100% corn fiber and are fully compostable, and the mop pads can be washed and re-used up to fifty times.
I love these guys. I'd want one- if i didn't live in a fully carpeted home... I think I might buy one as a gift for my friend who's hardwood floors scare my bare feet!
Bless you, Method!
15.2.07
A Strong Preferance for Winter Constellations
Recently born babies see with their noses;
mothers pharemones wafting in making chemical concoctions
in the brain.
A long long time ago, I'd never be able to remember
the first time I saw those shiny dots in the sky.
the feeling, when divinity hits the skull...
That's why I sent the package,
my new volume of endless lethargy
affectionately titled "This Side Up."
mothers pharemones wafting in making chemical concoctions
in the brain.
A long long time ago, I'd never be able to remember
the first time I saw those shiny dots in the sky.
the feeling, when divinity hits the skull...
That's why I sent the package,
my new volume of endless lethargy
affectionately titled "This Side Up."
29.1.07
Gratitude Listing: Reorder your attitude
I once had a friend say to me "if you can learn to be truly greatful, then the rest will come." Indeed, gratitude seems to be the thing that the divine energy of the universe responds to most. When you say a prayer of thanks and really mean it, how good does it feel? When you work your butt of to make something happen, and it finally does, doesn't it feel better than getting things you don't deserve?
Saying daily affirmations is supposed to be a good way to get your energy going and set your mind in the right directions. It's interesting, though, that almost every affirmation site I've come across says to express them in the present tense and be greatful that you have those things-- act as though you already have those things that you want, and express your gratitude for having them. This way you are acknowledging that the universe has already set in motion for you to have your needs met.
On that note, here's some of the affirmations I say while laying in bed:
I have the perfect job for me.
I am financially secure.
I am courageous.
I have meaningful and well-maintained friendships.
I have a good relationship with my family.
I am healthy and becoming healthier every day.
I am wealthy and becoming wealthier every day.
I have the ability to realize my goals.
I have the commitment to realize my goals.
It's weird, but so are plenty of other really helpful things: like the fact that your microbes do most of your digesting for you.
Saying daily affirmations is supposed to be a good way to get your energy going and set your mind in the right directions. It's interesting, though, that almost every affirmation site I've come across says to express them in the present tense and be greatful that you have those things-- act as though you already have those things that you want, and express your gratitude for having them. This way you are acknowledging that the universe has already set in motion for you to have your needs met.
On that note, here's some of the affirmations I say while laying in bed:
I have the perfect job for me.
I am financially secure.
I am courageous.
I have meaningful and well-maintained friendships.
I have a good relationship with my family.
I am healthy and becoming healthier every day.
I am wealthy and becoming wealthier every day.
I have the ability to realize my goals.
I have the commitment to realize my goals.
It's weird, but so are plenty of other really helpful things: like the fact that your microbes do most of your digesting for you.
23.1.07
Freecycle(TM): or how to make a gift to the world a registered trademark
Back in May of 2005, a lot of my friends were moving away and something revolutionary happened... My friend Mitch said, "I'm going to freecycle my stuff." I had never heard anyone use the word before; "freecycle" is both beautiful and magical. I instantly knew that he meant he was giving his things away instead of throwing them away. Throughout the summer my friends took his cue (and my inquiring about their things), and freely gave away many things that could have easily been sold. As a direct result of that and my having no roommate for three months, I accumulated a new set of dishes, new coffee tables, a new desk, and a new TV, and more small stuff than I can begin to remember. At the end of the summer, I was talking with a friend about how cool it would be to start a freecycle group specifically for our neighborhood. There's one for Los Angeles, but the whole of LA is just too big. I'm not going to drive to the home of someone I have no connection with in order to find out if their free couch will actually fit in my living room, or to riffle through the junk they're throwing out to see if they have junk I was intending to buy (like C batteries, or what have you). So I started throwing freecycle barbeques.
Almost everyone I know uses freecycle in the exact same way that the word recycle is used. I freecycled my old desk when I got a new one. That hippie got all of her clothes through freecycling. Freecycle your crap: stop sending it to landfills! Freeclyclers reduce the need for landfills, and the energy consumption required to make new goods.
The whole idea of having freecycle be a tradmarked word is RIDICULOUS. The whole idea is to create a gift based economy, which does require you to loosen your ideas about ownership. Just because someone else one used it, and possibly in a radically different way, doesn't mean isn't still good enough for you to use the way you need to use it (my new desk for ground-sitting was Mitch's coffee table). Just because you used to own it, or because you made it doesn't mean you'll own it forever (you're not a pharoh, you can't take things to the afterlife). So, Freecycle(TM) Network, why don't you give the world the greatest gift us all and allow us to freely use the term freecycle...
Almost everyone I know uses freecycle in the exact same way that the word recycle is used. I freecycled my old desk when I got a new one. That hippie got all of her clothes through freecycling. Freecycle your crap: stop sending it to landfills! Freeclyclers reduce the need for landfills, and the energy consumption required to make new goods.
The whole idea of having freecycle be a tradmarked word is RIDICULOUS. The whole idea is to create a gift based economy, which does require you to loosen your ideas about ownership. Just because someone else one used it, and possibly in a radically different way, doesn't mean isn't still good enough for you to use the way you need to use it (my new desk for ground-sitting was Mitch's coffee table). Just because you used to own it, or because you made it doesn't mean you'll own it forever (you're not a pharoh, you can't take things to the afterlife). So, Freecycle(TM) Network, why don't you give the world the greatest gift us all and allow us to freely use the term freecycle...
19.1.07
12.1.07
A Photo of Me by the incomparable Traci Matlock
This photo was taken by Traci Matlock... of
Rose and Olive
Rose and Olive do the Unthinkable. They make money from photoblogging. They are true bohemian artists. They live in neighboring colorful and almost unbearably messy apartments in the heights. They have seemingly endless volumes of poetry and literary theory books laying around their homes... Rose and Olive are completely light-hearted individuals who aren't afraid to explore any aspect of humanity regardless of how unnerving it may be. And most of the photography is actually disturbing and beautiful, which is a difficult feat to accomplish...
And then there are Olive's photos of me. and I don't quite understand them in the context of the body of her work. Maybe it's because we don't know each other very well... But just as she adds muses in the form of comments around her photo blogs that are completely projections on to what she thinks I am like, I project onto her that I bring out the light and playful side to her otherwise darkly sexualized work. From the outsiders point of view, distinguishing Olive's work from Rose's (or Traci's from Ashley's) is like trying to tell two drops of water apart. Their collective photoblogs on both nerve.com the online sex magazine and on flickr are both filled with shame, humiliation, pain and sometimes even the grotesque. And yes, sex does frequently evoke those emotions...
And then you see the photos of me. They are light, playful and mysterious. And where does it come from?
Rose and Olive
Rose and Olive do the Unthinkable. They make money from photoblogging. They are true bohemian artists. They live in neighboring colorful and almost unbearably messy apartments in the heights. They have seemingly endless volumes of poetry and literary theory books laying around their homes... Rose and Olive are completely light-hearted individuals who aren't afraid to explore any aspect of humanity regardless of how unnerving it may be. And most of the photography is actually disturbing and beautiful, which is a difficult feat to accomplish...
And then there are Olive's photos of me. and I don't quite understand them in the context of the body of her work. Maybe it's because we don't know each other very well... But just as she adds muses in the form of comments around her photo blogs that are completely projections on to what she thinks I am like, I project onto her that I bring out the light and playful side to her otherwise darkly sexualized work. From the outsiders point of view, distinguishing Olive's work from Rose's (or Traci's from Ashley's) is like trying to tell two drops of water apart. Their collective photoblogs on both nerve.com the online sex magazine and on flickr are both filled with shame, humiliation, pain and sometimes even the grotesque. And yes, sex does frequently evoke those emotions...
And then you see the photos of me. They are light, playful and mysterious. And where does it come from?
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